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Moved [02 Jun 2004|07:03pm] moved to greatest journal... www.greatestjournal.com/users/d0nt_let_m3_g0 F E L L in love

Reality suck... [12 May 2004|05:18pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | [Without You][Clay Aiken/ Kim Locke] ] It just set in that Ron is moving... in 2 weeks... Two weeks! I can't believe that in 14 days, he will be taking what he owns and moving it out of this state... I don't think I'll make it out of the summer alive... 2 || F E L L in love

Boredness... [10 May 2004|07:35pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | [Josh Gracin][I Want To Live] ] Yesterday, I wrote a new poem and I'm bored right now so here it is... My Perfect Guy My perfect guy Is great in every way He always makes me smile When I'm having a bad day He gives me strength To get through the bad When I am with him It's impossible to be sad My perfect guy Has eyes of the deepest blue It's almost like He's too good to be true He loves me for me Not for what I wear He loves the fact that I'm a dork And I can't style my hair He'll always be hear for me He's perfect from his head to his toes He loves me more than anything And I love him more than God knows So who really is this guy And is he really true Well he's the greatest guy I've ever known And that guy is you! I LOVE YOU RON! F E L L in love

I think I feel in love with the 8th world wonder... [09 May 2004|02:23pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | [Kim Locke][8th World Wonder] ] God, I love him... Yesterday, Ron threw me a suprise birthday party! :-D He said that he got the idea when I started freaking out because my real birthday party isn't going to be until the 22nd. I love him so much. We had so much fun too. Ron, Caroline, Arnold, Amanda, Jose, Matt, Kayla, Danielle... it was great! hehehe   HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISSA!!! F E L L in love

Why can't everyone just leave me alone? [08 May 2004|01:09pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | [Fozzy][Feel the Burn] ] First, they wake me up just because I "slept too long." Then, they leave without saying where they are going. No, I shouldn't say "they," I should say "she." Yep, her, my mother. >:( URG! She ticks me off soooooooo freakin' much! Then, she comes in my room and starts freakin' out on me because I still had stuff on the futon and my room wasn't completely clean. Although, I told her fifty fuckin' times that I can't put the stuff anywhere until the pipe in my closet stops leaking. She hears Ron say to his mom that I still have to ask if I can come over or not and freaks out; Saying that I was supposed to have my room cleaned if I wanted to go anywhere so I was banned from EVERYTHING for the weekend, and as soon as I came out of my room (and there were other people around) she's like "don't you think you should get a shower or something if you are going to Ron's?" WTF!?! Oh my god I just want to kill someone! F E L L in love

Whatever... [26 Apr 2004|06:20pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | [Creed][Weathered] ] My thoughts on the current topics of my life... School- whatever Parents- whatever Living- whatever There ya have it... Word of the day: "Whatever"   Lyrics of the day: "Sometimes it all just hits the wall Sometimes I think it's all my fault" Jessica Simpson-"Everyday See You" F E L L in love

"Sometimes it all just hits the wall, Sometimes I think it's all my fault" [25 Apr 2004|12:34pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | [Clay Aiken][Unchained Melody] ]        Normally I would fill you in on everything that you missed since my last update. Well, that's not what I will be doing today because I son't want to be the way I was last night. All you need to know is that this past week has been horrible. It probably comes in second on the list of my worst weeks. And Friday, the day that was supposed to be my "get-away" day, sucked.         Now, the reason that I am updating this is to day thank you to someone that I am highly grateful that I met. Ya see, yesterday was pretty much the day that all the bad things came together and tried to overcome me, and I wanted to just let it happen and be depressed because I had gotten to the point where I didn't care.        Well, I was on the phone with Ron and he continuously asked me what was wrong and I wouldn't tell him. Then, he asked me a few questions and I started thinking about everything again and broke down. I cried. I never cry. I always hold it in and keep moving, trying to act like nothing is wrong. I run from the tears and pretend like I feel no pain. Well, last night, it all caught up with me. That was my first time crying like that since my grandmom died, and he was right there for me the whole time. He let me cry and helped to calm me down. Then, he let me go to sleep and he stayed on the phone and was there when I woke up about an hour later. That meant so much to me. To know that he would do something like that for me meant a lot.        Ron- thank you so much for last night. I love you. -muah- 1 || F E L L in love

[22 Apr 2004|12:46pm] hey in history right now and I have to make this short because the bells is about to ring, but my computer fixed! WOOT! So I'll be able to update from now on WOOT! F E L L in love

"I'm so far down, away from the sun again" [19 Apr 2004|09:38am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | [my thoughts] ] Hey guys. I'm sittin in English right now and I have some free time so I'm updating. I hate not having my internet. It sucks! Some good news though. Over spring break, I talked to Brad. He's so awesome. We found out that we have a lot in common and it's awesome. Yep, yep, he's my buddy. hehe I gave Ron the CD that I made him and he loved it. :-D hehehe I wuv him soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! MUAH! to my Wonald ~Sami F E L L in love

Hey guys [28 Mar 2004|03:05pm] [ mood | naughty ] [ music | [8th World Wonder][Kim Locke] ] Just wait until I can find a way to update this thing more often. I have pages of updates written out and I'll get them on here as soon as possible. One of the main things that I really want to say is this. Brad- Remember how I told you that without you I'd go into a mass state of depression? Well, it's kind of coming and going. All this week I have been battling it. That feeling that I get when all I want to do is crawl into a corner in my room and not talk to anyone. I try to hide it from everyone, but it's getting harder and harder to do. -sigh- I just don't know about some things anymore... ~Adorkable 1 || F E L L in love

lalala [26 Mar 2004|11:56am] hey I'm currently sitting in bio. I won't be able to update this thing for a while because my AOL is broken and is prohibiting me from getting online :-( -tear tear- So anyways... this week has pretty much sucked, but I don't have time to get into that so I'm out. I heart my Ron, my Brad, my Amanda, and my Amanda's Chop Liver. F E L L in love

lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............... [19 Mar 2004|11:40am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | [If you ever stop lovin' me][Montgomery Gentry] ] yeo people. sittin' in Bio with Ron, Danielle, and Missa... boredomness is consuming me.missa wants to die ^^last sentence was typed by melissa^^ they are talking about the semi which I shalt not be attendething <<aha I'm a dork... Thou reeky pale-hearted younker! HA! That's from English class, some insult words from Romeo and Juilet... we had to put three together and then think of a meaning for our insult. Mine= scary cold-hearted freak! Ron and Jon are playing air golf... Tip: "It's not how big it is, it's how you use it"-Ron referring to his "stick." Supposedly, there is a whole golf course around here... I personally think they both need help... AHA!! Wise words of the day:: (or whenever I update them) rejection is hard to find around those who love you! <<from missa Lyrics:: "I need you By my side Every day Of my life" Montgomery Gentry- "If you ever stop lovin' me" LALALA LALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAlalalalalalalalalalaALALALALALALALALALALALlalalalalalalalalalalalaLALALALALALALALALALA Frank is here too! F E L L in love

[18 Mar 2004|08:38pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | [Clay Aiken] ] I ... i hurt: when I don't feel welcomed in my house i love: Ron i hate: this feeling... i cry: everytime this happens, or I think of my grandmom, or I just get sick of living i fear: that I will end up alone i hope: I don't lose my friend permanantly... i feel: depression pulling me into its dark hole again i kill: my spirit i talk: to whoever wants to hear, and even those who act like they want to, but then cut me off before I finish the beginning! i listen: to the soothing voice of Clay Aiken to calm me down when I cry and Ron's voice when I'm tired and just need someone there because the day has been so bad that I can't even sleep i break: my self-esteem i see: the darkness enclosing on me again i smell: smoke from my dad's cancer sticks... i taste: salt from my tears i work: at making you think I'm always ok i remember: names, faces, places, times with her... times when I was happy, talking to him, school days from when it was fun, when everyone wasn't so hard to deal with, and I didn't want to cry all the time i hold: Ron to make me happy or a teddy bear or pillow when I have nothing left i hide: my feelings of sadness i walk: to get around i drive: with my mom i read: my poetry and song lyrics i burn: my hand... i breathe: air i dance: when no one's watching i laugh: when I dont know whats going on i play: the keyboard i sing: very poorly i miss: my grandmom, my old life, Mark, Lindsay, Billy, Brad (and I havent seen him), Josh, Mark again, last years American Idol, Paradise Hotel, and Mark i want: to go to the semi with Ron and have Brad and Mark and Billy and Josh there for the fun i wish: I could have my friends back i know: it'll never be the same again i dream: of being happy i have: a crushed spirit i fall: and don't want to get up i wait: for the next time I see Ron i need: to see my buddy again i live: becuase of my friends i die: when I remember her death and think of the one that I'm told is approaching 1 || F E L L in love

"When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them off.." [18 Mar 2004|07:56pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | [Clay Aiken](Notice the pattern) ] Well, I'm not in the mood to update on everything that you have missed, so all that will be in here are these: All written on 3/18/04 by me... "Foolish" F or all the times I listened to your remarks O nly to end up in tears, O nly to feel like this L oved is sometimes what I feel least I hate thinking this way, but S ometimes I feel like I'm not a part of this family H ow do you think I'm going to feel? ------------------------------------------------------- Holidays are starting to feel unimportant The used to be the only thing I waited for I spent two birthdays and an anniversary feeling this way And I didn't even wake up here on Valentine's Day... You never listen to what I say anymore Don't you know how that makes me feel? You act like I don't have feelings, and I don't fear Don't you understand why I hate being here? Don't you get that I leave to avoid this? I blast music to make you think I'm fine I plaster a smile on my face, So that I can leave without a trace. I must have too many problems already That's why you don't want to hear anymore Story after story,I try to tell But you turn me off like an annoying alarm bell. ------------------------------------------------------ "Ignored" I speack my mind and my words G o in one ear and out the other N obody's listening to what I say O ver and over, this R eoccuring nightmare haunts me E nemies of my happiness... D arkness is all I need -------------------------------------------------- Comments aren't necessary, but, at this point, highly welcomed... Lyrics::"When you're weary Feelin' small When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them off" Righteous Brothers-"Bridge Over Troubled Water" If you are here to dry my tears... where were you earlier? If YOU are here to dry my tears, you'll click that little button that says "post comment" down there\I/ and leave a comment.... 2 || F E L L in love

Boredness [14 Mar 2004|04:37pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | [people in my head] ] Yeo people!  So far today I: Woke up (lol) Went to church went to Fashion bug bought two tees and 4 "skivvies" (aha Manda) Went grocery shopping came home called Ron 4x's came online looked up concert tickets stared at this Italian charm bracelet charm that I want with Clay Aiken that you can buy now for 6.99 + 2$ S&H, that I can't get because my mom won't let me do the whole 'buy offline' thing for some reason (click on "Clay Aiken" to look at it) talked to Kay and James for a lil' bit about to go call Ron again updating this this list is getting annoying lol Alright, I'm out ttyl... I did have more to say, but I forgot it while doing that list... lol ~Sami 1 || F E L L in love

Bad night, good day... [13 Mar 2004|09:01pm] [ mood | naughty ] [ music | [radio][a really good song, but I forget the name] ] Well, last night got worse than what I have already told you. Andrea broke up with James. He was really freaked. I went down there and stayed with him for a while so that he could calm down and stuff. Then when we came back, and hung out outside for a while. I think I may have cheered him up a bit, he thanked me a bajillion times. Love ya James. Be happy... like this :-D!!! hehehe Then, this morning, I woke up to Ron's scent because I have his shirt. :-D I went out to breakfest and the mall with my grandmom and aunt. Bought -grumpy bear and snoop patches -cologne and 2 necklaces for Ron -the bead kit I wanted THEN!, Ron came over! :-D and stayed for a few hours. I gave him his stuff and I got really happy afterward. We both were so happy. It was great. I love our relationship, it seems so perfect. -sigh- I love it! ~Sami 3 || F E L L in love

Ron... [12 Mar 2004|08:18pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | [my tears falling]&[Inseparable][Kim Locke ]   Ok, bad news. Lonlixcachik: whats wrong? Jerzeypimp86: alot of things Lonlixcachik: aww baby what happened? Jerzeypimp86: 1. my mom is pissed at me cause i am getting two D's so she was like i am going to crack down on u Jerzeypimp86: 2. she is being like a total bitch to everyone and letting my bro off easy with the shit he did and for some dumb ass reason putting it on me Jerzeypimp86: 3.she said how tired she is of people coming to my house all week and every single day and said no to any one coming over all weekend Jerzeypimp86: 4. she said that last time u came over i was all over u so this weekend is a no for u coming over Lonlixcachik: aww... I'm sorry baby Lonlixcachik: I wish that there was something I can do Jerzeypimp86: 5.this is the worst out of every thing Jerzeypimp86: she is looking for a place to move in PA Lonlixcachik: that sucks Jerzeypimp86: PA is 2 hours away Lonlixcachik: yes it is... Jerzeypimp86: :-( PA?! Not this again... every freakin' time... I don't even want to think about it right now, but I can't seem to shake the thought of him leaving. What would I do?! I mean, yeah I'd have other people to talk to in school and stuff, but I don't think I can be happy without him. He's the only person that I talk to afterschool. Some of you have seen how I act when he leaves for a weekend, we're talking about moving! Oh my gosh! Why does this have to happen to me!? I have to go think... I'll update later...     1 || F E L L in love

Ron... [12 Mar 2004|07:41pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | [my tears falling]&[Inseparable][Kim Locke] ] Ok, bad news. Lonlixcachik: whats wrong? Jerzeypimp86: alot of things Lonlixcachik: aww baby what happened? Jerzeypimp86: 1. my mom is pissed at me cause i am getting two D's so she was like i am going to crack down on u Jerzeypimp86: 2. she is being like a total bitch to everyone and letting my bro off easy with the shit he did and for some dumb ass reason putting it on me Jerzeypimp86: 3.she said how tired she is of people coming to my house all week and every single day and said no to any one coming over all weekend Jerzeypimp86: 4. she said that last time u came over i was all over u so this weekend is a no for u coming over Lonlixcachik: aww... I'm sorry baby Lonlixcachik: I wish that there was something I can do Jerzeypimp86: 5.this is the worst out of every thing Jerzeypimp86: she is looking for a place to move in PA Lonlixcachik: that sucks Jerzeypimp86: PA is 2 hours away Lonlixcachik: yes it is... Jerzeypimp86: :-( PA?! Not this again... every freakin' time... I don't even want to think about it right now, but I can't seem to shake the thought of him leaving. What would I do?! I mean, yeah I'd have other people to talk to in school and stuff, but I don't think I can be happy without him. He's the only person that I talk to afterschool. Some of you have seen how I act when he leaves for a weekend, we're talking about moving! Oh my gosh! Why does this have to happen to me!? I have to go think... I'll update later...   F E L L in love

"...I've left this world, myself has faded..." [12 Mar 2004|02:52pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | [fighting with whatever is trying to destroy my soul] ]         Ok, so today was just your average completely sucky day! So I'm in school, sitting next to Ron in the auditorium and Matt (Crumins) decides that he is going to spit out his gum and it ends up in my hair. I take it out, go to first period and sit there drawing. An announcement comes on, I turn on the t.v. as I was told, and say te pledge. Then, "Semi Formal" comes over the t.v. speakers so I decide to tune in. "Only 10th graders from Millville Senoir High can come as guests"  Well that's just PEACHY! So now, Brad can't go. I knew there was a reason that I was getting bad vibes about the semi. Arnold forgot to bring in the cartoon we needed, so Noemi, Arnold, and myself are handing in our project on Monday and doing a bunch of extra things this weekend so that we can still get an "A." I should have worked alone... The rest of the day was pretty normal. I just went about the day trying to be happy... So lets recap: I got gum in my hair Brad can't come to the semi -tear- I have MORE work to do on our English project so that I don't get a bad grade on it Plus, I'm falling behind in my schoolwork thanks to the chiropractor appointments, but I can't tell my mom that because my grandmom hates taking me and I don't want to anger her anymore and I have to keep going at 9am I have about 4 new things that I have to do that were assigned today... Gosh, with each day that passes by, I just want more and more to cry. I can't seem to shake it. Usually things just roll off my back... I don't know what's wrong anymore. I can't seem to stay happy & fake it so that people will think everything is ok, but I have every reason to be happy: I have great friends My family is getting reunited in a way I have the greatest guy in the world by my side. He treats me like I am the world, he's always there for me, and he puts up with all my crap that he shouldn't have to put up with. I have people like Brad and Amanda that I can just talk to about anything, and afterward think that everything will be ok. For some reason, I just can't let the feeling that I shouldn't be here go. Lyrics:: "I'd sure hate to break down here, There's nothing up ahead..." Julie Roberts "Break Down Here" -sigh... bye... 2 || F E L L in love

All I want is you... [11 Mar 2004|01:26pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | [Clay Aiken][The Way]-dedicated to my baby ] Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all. My ribs and abs are completely messed up and my knee hurts like hell. I couldn't stay asleep for more than 25 minutes! Grrr, anyway... Today in the auditorium was great. I got to sit next to Ron and we were having a tickle war lol. Sure, my ribs hurt like hell, but it was sooo much fun, I couldn't tell him to stop. It was so great. He was smiling and laughing and stuff. God I love him. Rest of the day was pretty boring... except for me screwing up again, but I talked to him about that and I'm pretty sure everything is cool -shrugs- Well, I have an English project to do... see ya! Lyrics: "All I want is your touch All I want is your heaven right here by my side" Clay Aiken- "Touch" 2 || F E L L in love

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